i think my tv is drunk
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
