Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
In other news, I just burned my penis
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
