What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
