I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
