What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
