my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
