i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
