I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dick very happy bro
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
