I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
