i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
