I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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