I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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