Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
