did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
