I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
