she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My bed smells like the plague
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
