meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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