Tell her she can't have a vagina
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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