Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
