Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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