i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
