If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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