She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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