talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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