when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
