My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
