you guys were way drunker than both of me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
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NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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