I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
