I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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