dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
