There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
