Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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