I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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