And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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