Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
