I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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