You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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