how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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