i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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