I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
