I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
