guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
