Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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