It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
