i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
