i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
