I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
