OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
