what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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