Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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