i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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