she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
