why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I love having hate sex.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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