the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
