Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
