i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
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Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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