So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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