hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
