I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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