I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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