My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
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She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
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I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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