ugly people sure do ruin things
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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