If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Acid is not a monday night drug
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
