Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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