I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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