just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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