A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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