I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
