You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
