I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
