how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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