trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
