Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Who did Billy Mays play for?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
