I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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