The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
