Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
