Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
