why didn't you poke me back
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
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I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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