rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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