The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize