Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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