i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
