just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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