She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
